Kuroko My Wife: NonGOM Edition
by Ryokucha-sensei
Summary: Short FEM!Kuroko fluff series [Chp4: KagaKuro {Oneshot} Sunday at the KagaKuro residence.][Chp1-3: HanaKuro {Arbitrary Split Boat} Hanamiya's determined to win her heart, but Kuroko won't even play the game]
1. HanaKuro: Arbitrary Split Boat – Part 1

****Just my attempt at short pieces of aimless, shameless, and unapologetic fluff.****

**Minor coarse language, hence the [T] rating, and O****OCness because I'm a noob.**

**This anthology features NonGOMs. For the GOMxFem!Kuroko edition, please visit [Kuroko My Wife].**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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****imKimTheWriter suggested this pairing and **'bad boy meets good girl' theme. I don't know if I can do her idea justice, but errmm… We'll see how this goes. **

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**HanaKuro: Arbitrary Split Boat – Part 1 **

* * *

**Kuroko Tetsuna**

Each side of the dining table was occupied by an equal number of men and women, each laughing and giggling where appropriate, behaving in such ways as to demonstrate playful sexual attraction. The atmosphere was lovely and the food had merit. Yet, Kuroko Tetsuna hid her indifference behind a pleasant smile as she spun the glass straw in her overpriced vanilla milkshake, wishing she was anywhere else but the gōkon. In fact, if her colleagues hadn't dismissed her refusal and essentially abducted her as soon as they realised they were one female short, the humanities teacher would've been having a peaceful Friday night going through exam scripts at home.

"You look absolutely exhilarated."

Kuroko looked up from her milkshake at the quip, immediately realising that the man who had previously sat near the top end of the table now sat in front of her, at the bottom end.

The man flashed a roguish smile, his dun-coloured eyes hinting a playful mischievousness that was further emphasised by a pair of incredibly distracting eyebrows. Notably thick near the glabella and thinning towards his temples, the appearance was hardly fashionable. Still, Kuroko doubted any other look would've added to his appeal.

"Thank you," Kuroko responded with equal mock cordiality.

"Hmm…" He leant in closer, a wide, arrogant smile plastered across his face. "No witty riposte? I was so sure that you - out of all the women here – would be interesting." Kuroko turned to the rest of the table, all of them too engaged with their own conversations to notice the slight.

"Happy to disappoint you," Kuroko steadied her gaze. There was something wicked about the man before her.

"Please be," he gave Kuroko another rakish grin. "It's always a pleasure to witness joy before it's plucked from right under someone's nose."

"Are you always this delightful?" Kuroko asked; the accusation subtly blatant.

"No, of course not. I'm on my best behaviour tonight – in honour of our first meeting." He offered his right hand. "Hanamiya Makoto – barrister."

Kuroko hesitated, but Hanamiya kept his hand in place, taunting her with the incessant smirk on his face.

"Kuroko Tetsuna – teacher." Kuroko reluctantly and cautiously shook Hanamiya's hand.

"Speciality?" Hanamiya's thumb brushed the skin of Kuroko's hand before releasing it.

"History," Kuroko went on. "Speciality?"

"Criminal defence," Hanamiya smiled.

"That explains the oiliness," Kuroko stated.

"Really now… Exactly what part of me is 'unpleasantly smooth and ingratiating'?" Kuroko's baby-blues couldn't help but stare at Hanamiya's cocked eyebrow.

"It might be quicker to list the parts of you that aren't." Kuroko rarely felt so strongly about anything in general, but Hanamiya Makoto was quickly getting on her nerves.

"Ouch," Hanamiya chuckled. "Does a teacher's degree come with a diploma in harsh?"

"Does a lawyer's degree come with a licence to be obnoxious?" Kuroko retorted, finally making it clear what she thought of him.

Kuroko took in a deep breath, upset that she had let Hanamiya get the best of her. It was her career to interact with all kinds of people on the personality spectrum. But, even her most problematic student seemed delightful compared to Hanamiya Makoto. Wanting to leave before she got dragged further into his pace, Kuroko placed some cash under her glass, said her goodbyes, bowed, and then departed the restaurant with an efficiency that left half of the table impressed, and half of it amazed that she was ever there to begin with.

* * *

**Hanamiya Makoto**

Being the one to have organised the event, Hanamiya Makoto had prepared himself for yet another evening where he and his colleagues would market themselves to a flock of excessively communicative women. It was all a game to him. What better way to cure his boredom than to flirt and tease; to give a woman the sweet illusion of romance before shattering it completely? Be it a lady or a minx, once broken it would just be garbage.

Yet, Hanamiya could tell that the woman at the end of the table was more than just a lady. The last-minute replacement for someone whose name he hadn't even bothered to remember was the best kind of lady – the proper kind. Her posture was perfect, her eyes attentive, and her light blue hair was in a bun so tight it would've made any librarian proud. Hanamiya wondered if he would ever see it down someday. He was sure the sight would be nothing to scoff at.

However, the mysterious woman was so impeccably textbook that she conformed to the established standards of boring. It made her blend into the background amid the more assertive, self-assured demeanour of her peers. She was the most unobtrusive woman he had ever met, even though her inconspicuousness in itself should've garnered attention.

Despite that, after their little tête-à-tête, Hanamiya quickly understood that Kuroko Tetsuna was more than just proper. She was resilient and dignified.

She was a challenge.

One he just couldn't resist.

Hanamiya got up and went after Kuroko, catching up to her a small distance away from the restaurant.

"Hey." Hanamiya spoke as he walked next to her. "You left before I could get your number."

"You're assuming that I would have given it to you even if I hadn't left before I did." Kuroko looked straight ahead as she walked towards the nearest train station, refusing to give Hanamiya and his self-important gait any attention.

Hanamiya half-supressed a laugh, "I didn't think you'd be the type to play hard-to-get."

"You're right."

"Am I? Your actions suggest otherwise." Hanamiya moved in closer, making Kuroko quicken her pace. She was guarding her personal space. It made him all the more eager to enter it. "No matter," He smirked. "After all, the chase is the best part about romance."

"What made you believe such antiquated nonsense?" There was a tightness on her pretty face.

"Experience."

"I see."

"Why don't you get some?" Hanamiya suggested.

"With you?" Kuroko was becoming visibly annoyed.

"You'd be surprised how entertaining the struggle for control in a game of hard-to-get can be," Hanamiya maintained.

"And you'd be shocked that some people don't play hard-to-get, but their 'stalker with a crush' assumes that they are, resulting in a slap to the face for maximum hilarity," Kuroko warned.

"Then how about we reverse it? After all, all girls want bad boys."

Kuroko wrinkled her nose.

"Haha…" He couldn't help but feel triumphant. "You're not used to not being an emotionless automaton aren't you? I get this feeling that you stun yourself every time you realise that you're capable of feeling just as much as the rest of us."

"Are your feelings always correct?" Kuroko's lips were pressed into a fine line.

"Wouldn't be good at my job if they weren't," Hanamiya stated.

"Huh," Kuroko began. "I would've credited it to Schadenfreude."

"Well, that's how the media portrays us," Hanamiya mused, impressed at her near-perfect assessment. "But, in reality, advocates like me simply act and argue on behalf of our clients. Amorality is a far cry from immorality Miss Kuroko. My field, in particular, is often occupied by compassionate professionals who sincerely believe that even the lowest members of society deserve a fair trial, regardless of culpability."

Kuroko slowed down, her body language hinting at her inner conflict from Hanamiya's words.

He broke into a wide grin and suddenly whispered into her ear, "There's no way I'd say that, dumbass."

Kuroko sprung away from Hanamiya, and part of him savoured the fact that he was able to intimidate her. "The clients I have are almost always guilty, and I just love seeing them go free. You're right. Schadenfreude is a great motivator. There's a lot of satisfaction to be had from seeing everyone's reaction when I win. The crushing look on those faces who really believed in the justice system, who honestly thought good would always prevail – there are few things in life I enjoy more than enlightening them to the powers of truth-bending."

Her jaw was clenched. "I supposed that's why you're such a comfortable liar."

"I don't lie about everything," he grinned. "My intentions for one, are genuine."

Kuroko stopped right in front of the train station. "Your intentions are genuine and genuinely misplaced, Mr Hanamiya. I know you're out to break my heart simply for the entertainment value, so if you really think I'd fall for you after all that display of depravity, then you're more deluded than I had imagined."

"Well, perhaps I've just found a worthy opponent to crush at last."

* * *

**Sorry about the OOCness. I'm struggling to put these two together. This is a first for KMW, but I don't even know if they'll end up together. Babies or no babies? That is the question.**


	2. HanaKuro: Arbitrary Split Boat – Part 2

**HanaKuro: Arbitrary Split Boat – Part 2**

* * *

**Hanamiya Makoto**

It often isn't difficult to discount signs of menace in a new relationship. After all, the average person, whether by naïveté or benevolence, would see good, rather than bad, when given the possibility of seeing either. Unfortunately for Hanamiya Makoto, despite her appearance, Kuroko Tetsuna was anything but average.

Kuroko had left Hanamiya at the train station on Friday night sans the all-important phone number, prompting him to ponder about her for the rest of the night, and indeed, throughout the weekend. He saw her as a living, breathing, contradiction; subfusc yet memorable; polite yet detached. In fact, she had seemed so dispassionate about the whole get-together that he was sure his colleagues would've written her off as an intimidating, frigid, bitch if they hadn't managed to overlook her altogether.

Still, Hanamiya had felt inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, she had been an eleventh hour replacement. One who clearly hadn't wished to be there.

Little did he know, he would almost double over in laughter upon realising just how ridiculously mistaken he had been. While some women were unaware of his bad boy reputation and others found him all the more desirable for it, they all wanted what he could give them. Not Kuroko Tetsuna though. Those haunting eyes of hers had seen right through him from the very beginning, and she had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing from him.

And for that, Kuroko Tetsuna was too much of a temptation for Hanamiya Makoto. Did anyone really expect him to give her up that easily?

* * *

Hanamiya smirked upon remembering her biting remarks as he idled in Seirin High School's staff lounge.

"What are you doing here?" Kuroko Tetsuna said with a gloomy sigh upon entering the room. There was nothing provocative about her appearance. Her hair was tied in a neat bun and every inch of fabric on her body was purposefully tailored to tone any feminine sensuality down to nought. Despite that, Hanamiya couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Nice to meet you too, Miss Kuroko." Hanamiya straightened his Armani suit as he got up from his seat while flashing a toothy grin.

"Who let you in the school grounds?" Her voice was steady, but Hanamiya could see from the subtle nuances in her face that she was irritated.

"Your colleagues were more than willing to accommodate me," he answered. The women had been nonplussed about him being there for Kuroko of all people, but a few calculated compliments were all that it had taken to charm them into compliance.

"I'll be sure to propose a tightening of security to the school board," she said as she brushed passed him towards the kitchenette.

Hanamiya laughed, finding her obvious contempt for him nothing less than cute. "Let me take you out to dinner."

That definitely got her attention. "Is something the matter with your head?"

"Would you let me lean it against your shoulder if I said yes?" He teased.

"Please leave, Mr Hanamiya." There was a silent look in her eyes. Evidently, one of the two was enjoying the banter more than the other.

"I'll be happy to leave when you've accepted my invitation," Hanamiya began. "It's just a dinner date."

"I doubt it's ever 'just' anything with you," Kuroko spoke dryly.

Hanamiya couldn't remember the last time he had had so much fun with a woman while sober and fully-clothed.

"Leave, Mr Hanamiya," Kuroko stressed again. "And please don't come here again."

"But you see, _teacher_…" Hanamiya smiled like the Cheshire Cat as he approached Kuroko, making her back into the counter. "I'm a very naughty boy, and I don't like doing as I'm told."

His left hand lingered at her waist before his fingers went and undid a single button on her blazer. "You'll have to punish me."

* * *

**Kuroko Tetsuna**

If 0 denoted peace and tranquillity and 10 stood for boiling fury and rage, Kuroko Tetsuna's mood for the past five days would've sat at a frustrated 2.0 on the anger thermostat. True to his word, Hanamiya Makoto didn't like doing as he was told. It seemed being the boss of his own law firm granted him a lot of free time. The man had popped in and out of the school for the past week, each time equally determined to collect her consent for a date.

Hanamiya Makoto got under her skin. He was that bruise which never seemed to fade; that lesion which wouldn't heal; that thought which festered in one's mind the more one tried to neglect it. Worse still, her colleagues had apparently made it their mission to let her know just how high profile the man really was, and how lucky she was for having caught his eye.

Kuroko supposed her fellow teachers couldn't have been blamed for taking Hanamiya Makoto at face value. He was, after all, successful, well-dressed, and far too intelligent for his own good; a man who seemed like he would never lose that mischievous glint behind his eyes even as the years passed on.

She didn't actually think Hanamiya was a bad man. She didn't know him well enough to make such an inference. However, he was something less than virtuous. That much she knew for certain.

And for that, Hanamiya Makoto was too much of a danger to Kuroko Tetsuna. Did anyone really expect her to give up her heart that easily?

* * *

Friday afternoons were usually relaxed at Seirin High School. Most students who didn't participate in extra-curricular activities left the school around 2 pm and staff meetings were often kept short. It was a time for everyone to simmer down. Yet, a certain someone was determined to rile up Kuroko Tetsuna.

"Who keeps letting him in here?" Kuroko muttered under her breath as she shuffled the papers in her hand. She couldn't believe Hanamiya Makoto was at her workplace again. She was worried he was never going to stop, at least, not until he got what he wanted.

"Makoto!" Sang one of the younger female teachers as she pranced over to him and clung to his arm.

It was astonishing how drastically the dress code amongst the women had evolved over the past week. Necklines became increasingly daring, hemlines even more so. Well, at least the men were happy.

"Hi there," Hanamiya smirked. "You look so pretty when you put a little effort into your appearance."

Kuroko's eyes widened, but her young colleague had no idea that she had just been delivered a backhanded compliment. She was a babe in the woods when it came to men like Hanamiya Makoto.

Kuroko couldn't take it anymore. She had officially reached 3.0.

"Mr. Hanamiya," Kuroko tapped on Hanamiya's shoulder, slightly disappointed when he turned around completely unruffled. The same couldn't be said about her colleague who had jumped at Kuroko's first syllable. "A word please?"

When Kuroko and Hanamiya were out of earshot, she said, "By all means, annoy me until you're satisfied Mr Hanamiya, but you cannot simply walk into my workplace and insult my colleagues."

"It was just a compliment, Miss-"

"Don't- Lie to me." Kuroko's baby-blue eyes were uncharacteristically, cold, hard, and flinty.

However, they weren't enough to deter Hanamiya. "Has anyone ever told you how sexy you look when you're angry?" He reduced the space between them and unbuttoned the middle button on her blazer.

Kuroko 's steely gaze flicked upwards as she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you're mad?!"

"Mad for you." Hanamiya cajoled, his face plastered with a smirk so wide Kuroko wished she could wipe it clean off.

She took in a deep breath and exhaled before continuing. "You're never going to stop are you?" Kuroko asked. "What are you trying to prove exactly?"

"I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to-,"

"Stop!" Kuroko's hands flew up to Hanamiya's face and covered his mouth before he could finish speaking. "Stop it, please. No more bad romantic comedy movie quotes." She paused. "One date. That's it. After that, you'll leave me be. Agreed?"

"Agreed." And even though his mouth was covered, she felt his smile on her skin.

* * *

**Hanamiya Makoto**

Hanamiya Makoto couldn't help replaying his time with Kuroko Tetsuna again and again in his head. She was the type to get more talkative the angrier she got. It had been hard for him to stop with the teasing, especially since it elicited such a glorious reaction out of her. The faint colour on her alabaster cheeks made her look adorable. It somehow pleased him, knowing Kuroko Tetsuna wasn't a passionless woman after all.

Hanamiya checked his watch for the nth time that evening; three minutes to seven. Kuroko had agreed to meet him at the restaurant for their date. Hanamiya had volunteered to pick her up, but Kuroko hadn't been comfortable giving him her address. Hanamiya wrinkled his brow, wondering if he should've just admitted to knowing her apartment's location anyway. That way, he wouldn't have been stuck here worrying if Kuroko was going to show.

Worried?

Hanamiya Makoto was – worried?

"Uhm, hello?" Kuroko's voice snapped Hanamiya out of his own head, and he was quickly distracted the moment he saw her.

Knee-length, cream-coloured, A-line skirt; long-sleeved, blue-toned, oxford shirt; grey cardigan; and a pair of sensible shoes.

"That's practically no different from your work outfit," Hanamiya glowered.

"Nice to meet you too, Mr Hanamiya," Kuroko murmured wryly, quoting his own words from the staff lounge.

"It's our first date. I expected something more impactive," he asseverated.

"It's our only date," Kuroko corrected. "And I didn't want you to think I was trying. So is this the place?"

Her nonchalance irked Hanamiya. "Yeah, this is it." Hanamiya reached over and casually unbuttoned her cardigan so it fell open.

"Why do you do that?" Kuroko frowned.

"Because you're always so prim and proper," Hanamiya smirked. "Undoing a button seemed the quickest, most benign way to mess you up a bit. Now if you would just let me undo your hair…" Hanamiya eyed the tight bun, and suddenly his fingers itched at the thought of her, all smooth skin and tousled hair laid out on rumpled satin sheets.

"No." Kuroko rejected.

And that was the end of that conversation.

"'No Wi-Fi available. Talk to each other'," Kuroko smiled as she read out the sign on the restaurant's window graphic. "Clever."

"Thanks," Hanamiya chuckled. "Came up with it myself." He placed his hand on the small of her back as he lead her in, somewhat surprised, albeit delightfully so, that she didn't shy away from the contact.

"You own Spider's Web?" Kuroko blinked.

"Yes," Hanamiya confirmed. "Is that so surprising?"

"Well, yes," Kuroko admitted. "You don't exactly pop into my head when I think 'hospitality'."

However, when the maitre d' greeted them and immediately directed them to the best seat in the Bauhaus-style restaurant, Kuroko had to swallow her skepticism.

"Then when exactly?" Hanamiya asked when they had finished ordering.

"When…?" Kuroko said quizzically, waiting for an elaboration.

"When exactly do I pop into your head?" Hanamiya raised a suggestive brow. In truth, he was happy to find out Kuroko thought about him at all.

Kuroko sighed, refusing to honour his silly question with an answer. "Don't you ever get tired of being conceited?"

"No," Hanamiya informed in an easy tone. "Fact of the matter is, smugness helps in my field of work. Inspires confidence from my team and whatnot."

"Team?" Kuroko began. "Now that's another noun I would never have equated to you."

"We both still have much to learn about each other," Hanamiya said, meaning the words far more seriously than they sounded.

* * *

**Kuroko Tetsuna**

Kuroko Tetsuna hated to admit it, but the evening was far more pleasant that she ever thought it could be. Good food; nice wine; great atmosphere; interesting, albeit somewhat testy, conversation. It was overall a wonderful dinner date. Hanamiya Makoto knew how to be charming when he wanted to, and therein laid Kuroko's greatest dilemma. Hanamiya hadn't denied his motives for approaching her since their twisted game of cat and mouse started. Sure, Kuroko had first-hand experience of being fooled by his 'sincerity', but that simply proved what an excellent actor he was.

How could she let herself be swayed, knowing he was simply in it for the fun of breaking her?

When dinner was done and they exited the restaurant, Kuroko was ready to go home and leave everything that was Hanamiya Makoto behind. He had gotten his date. It had to end here.

"I'll drive you home," Hanamiya offered, the keys to his Porsche in his right hand.

"No, thank you," Kuroko politely refused. "I've already brought a return train ticket home."

"I'll walk you to the train station then."

"Why not just drive there?"

"It'll take longer on foot."

Oh, no one could deny that Hanamiya Makoto was smooth.

* * *

The walk to the train station had been filled with their usual back-and-forth until Hanamiya decided to change the subject.

"So, Miss Kuroko, any thoughts on where we should go on our second date?" Hanamiya flirted.

"There will be no second date, Mr Hanamiya," Kuroko replied firmly.

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, dear." The endearment was so loaded; it was as if he was just begging for a reaction.

"And Knobhead isn't just a mountain in Antarctica, 'dear'," Kuroko responded as calmly as she could.

"Knobhead?" Hanamiya chuckled. "My IQ's well over 160."

"And yet you can't seem to understand how I feel about you," Kuroko retorted.

"Feelings change." Hanamiya looked pensive, an ill fit on a face Kuroko so readily associated with cunning and deceit.

If this was an act, then Hanamiya Makoto was in the wrong profession. Nonetheless, Kuroko had to believe it was an act, and an Oscar-worthy one at that. It was too dangerous to believe otherwise.

* * *

**Hanamiya Makoto **

Hanamiya Makoto honestly surprised himself when he had offered to drive Kuroko home, and even more so when he had spouted that clichéd line about walking in lieu of driving. Sure, the dinner had gone well, but Kuroko Tetsuna was ostensibly immune to his charms. And even he knew how to give up on a lost cause.

As a matter of fact, before anything else, Hanamiya had to wonder if he had lost sight of his cause. He was supposed to hurt her. He was supposed to feel good when she hurt. He hated pretentious straight-shooters and their supercilious virtues, and she was by all means one of them – a good girl. Wasn't he going to use, break, and leave her broken? So why did the mere thought of his original plan leave a sour taste in his mouth?

The train station came into view as they turned a corner.

Hanamiya wished time would slow down while he thought of a legitimate excuse to see her again. It was one of those things Hanamiya found troublesome about women as smart as Kuroko Tetsuna; they were sensitive to bullshit.

Nevertheless, if he let Kuroko leave, just like that. Then their odd, stunted relationship from a cruel joke gone awry would wholly and implicitly end.

That itself would be the cruelest joke of all.

* * *

**I simply didn't know how to give them any positive development without making them horribly OOC. Like I said, I'm struggling to put these two together. This was all I could do after stretching my tiny imagination graphene-thin. It was either this or scrapping HanaKuro altogether.**

**Sorry guys :(**

**Anyways, for those of you who can still tolerate this fic, please suggest some HanaKuro baby names.**


	3. HanaKuro: Arbitrary Split Boat - Part 3

**HanaKuro: Arbitrary Split Boat – Part 3**

* * *

**Kuroko Tetsuna**

Kuroko Tetsuna breathed a quiet exhale as she and Hanamiya Makoto neared the train station. Dismissing the tenseness in her stomach, she followed his movements from the length of his stride to the ease of his posture with subdued eyes. There was a cavalier quality to his gait even though his silence itself held undercurrents of preoccupation.

"Stare at me any longer and I might just misunderstand your intentions Miss Kuroko." Hanamiya turned to her with a taunting smirk as they came to a stop in front of the station. It was notably deserted despite the fact that the night was still relatively young.

"Prolonged eye contact can have several different meanings," Kuroko began, unflinching. "You'll have to be more specific about which one you believe me guilty of."

"Well," Hanamiya lowered his chin until he was nose to nose with Kuroko, so close that the mere fact she stood her ground was impressive. "Aggression, affection, and attraction are the usual suspects."

"I supposed there's no prize for guessing which one you have in mind?" Kuroko pasted on a smile of nonchalance as she scrutinised the eyes staring back at her.

It was amusing how easy it was to increase the intensity of a stare, whether it be dominant or romantic in nature, just by reducing how often one blinked. But, the interesting thing was, Kuroko couldn't decipher which one of the two varieties Hanamiya was staring at her with; not that she was surprised by the lack of clarity, given how adept the man was at deception.

They must have made quite a sight, staring into each other's eyes in such a public setting. Anyone passing by without full knowledge of their relationship would have been forgiven for thinking that they were lovers, instead of… well, whatever it was that they were.

"Huh," Hanamiya scoffed, holding his palms up and out as he retreated from Kuroko. His expression held a note of mockery.

"You really are an impenetrable woman."

* * *

**Hanamiya Makoto**

The easy smile playing at the corners of his mouth ebbed away as Hanamiya Makoto stalked off, his face a marble effigy of contempt.

He was losing. Kuroko Tetsuna was beating him.

He had been mere centimetres from her face; his breath brushing the living moistness of her full pink lips. Yet, the infuriating woman hadn't at all been disconcerted by their proximity; or if she had – gave no indication of it. Not even a tenuous dilation of her pupils, which would've been pronounced given that her irises were such a beautiful shade of blue. The thought hardened his features. The Nordic blue of her eyes were full of life, compassion, and unquenchable warmth. So much so that they amazed and agitated him in equal measure, because not a single ounce of that warmth was directed toward him.

Hanamiya wished he could just dismiss it all as part of the mind games women loved to play on men, but he was smarter than that, even though he hadn't been vigilant enough to stop himself from making the mistake of pursuing a character like Kuroko Tetsuna – an honest character.

His feelings toward her kind lied on the same continuum as antipathy and resentment. People like her lived their lives in contentment because they stayed true to a kind of authenticity that meant never having to fabricate stories, lies, or excuses; and, consequently, never fearing of being caught in those lies.

Hanamiya resisted the urge to punch something as curses fell from his mouth. It was a difficult pill to swallow, since that rationale meant that all this time, Kuroko was simply counting the seconds until he was out of her life; that her indifference was the result of nothing more than a lack of motive.

She saw no incentive in him.

* * *

**Kuroko Tetsuna**

It was a rainy day, two weeks later. The deluge had commenced at sunrise, kept on steadily till sunset, and by proper nightfall, it had dissolved into a light mizzle enveloping Tokyo. For most people, it was the sort of weather that beckoned an early night; hence Kuroko Tetsuna's surprise when a knock came from her front door.

There was a pensive shimmer in the shadow of her eyes as the door opened to reveal someone she had not-so-secretly hoped would go away like a headache in the path of a painkiller.

The light drizzle had covered Hanamiya Makoto's jacket with a fine mist. A lock of his full black hair fell a little forward onto his forehead, ever so slightly dampened by the precipitation. His brows and eyes were startling against his fair skin, but the firm mouth that had always curled as if constantly on the edge of laughter was now set in a visibly tense line.

"What are you doing here?" Kuroko said as surprise siphoned the blood from her face. How had he known where she lived?

"I…" He stood there, tall and annoyed. "I was in court today."

Kuroko's mind whirled at his dry response. "Did you lose?"

His taupe eyes clawed at her like talons as his curt voice lashed at her. "Of course I won. Who do you think you're talking to?!"

Kuroko caught herself glancing uneasily over her shoulder at the tone of his voice. She had a much stronger guard up now. "Then I shall repeat my earlier question. What are you doing here?" Her composure was a fragile shell around her. "At my doorstep?"

"Because," He drew a breath, releasing it before continuing. "I had never come so close to losing. All because I couldn't focus. All because of you."

Kuroko entertained the thought of slamming the door in his face. Nonetheless, she retained her affability as she met his accusing eyes without flinching; watching his mood veer sharply from irritation to anger as he recounted how she had apparently managed to undermine his efficiency in court earlier that day. If it wasn't for the middle-aged housewife from next door emerging from her apartment, placing a wrinkled finger to her equally wrinkled lips, and shushing him, Kuroko was sure Hanamiya's tirade would've carried on far longer than it actually did.

Kuroko watched with acute and jarring anxiety as Hanamiya Makoto caustically barked at her neighbour. "Shut up!" The ill-concealed insolence in his tone forbade any further argument from the older woman, but Kuroko knew she had only seconds to act before things truly went south.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Bafun." Kuroko bowed, hoping that her anger would somewhat abate with the gesture until she had the chance to make a more suitable apology. For now, she had to deal with the abrasive man behind her. She pushed him into her apartment before he could cause any more damage.

* * *

**Hanamiya Makoto**

"That was uncalled for." Kuroko flashed Hanamiya a look of disdain once they were alone in her apartment. "Mr Hanamiya," Cold eyes sniped at him. "What are you doing here?"

A shadow of annoyance crossed Hanamiya's face. He didn't answer the question – he couldn't have. Not without revealing just how much she affected him. The past two weeks had been a minefield of distractions for Hanamiya. In spite of his busy schedule, thoughts of her had intruded into his days with the intensity of a proctologist with his finger up someone's anus.

It was a shock to the senses.

Kuroko let out an audible breath at Hanamiya's lack of response. "Have you calmed down now? Will you please tell me what's going on?"

Hanamiya ground his teeth at her benign smile, as if dealing with a temperamental child. "Don't treat me like I'm your student. I'm not one of those babies still attached to their mother's teats." The heavy lashes that shadowed Kuroko's cheeks flew up, and Hanamiya used that instant of astonishment to grab her arm and throw her onto the sofa.

She landed with a thud, momentarily speechless as he loomed over her. Yet, it was blindingly obvious that she was way beyond intimidation. She simply waited, lying there beneath his body, challenging him to go through with it; no outcry of defiance; no protest of resistance. Her eyes followed his without haste, but with unhurried purpose.

He was irked by her cool, aloof manner. It was enough to turn his knuckles to the colour of bone.

"I want to be with you." The admission was dredged from a place beyond logic and reason.

Kuroko took in a quick, sharp breath before snapping her mouth shut, stunned by his bluntness. Through the roaring silence, she breathed one word.

"No."

"Why?" His tone was relatively civil in spite of it all.

"Because I do not feel that way about you." Her delicate face was full of strength, shining with a steadfast and serene peace.

"You don't have to." Blood began to pound in his temples, his mind a crazy mixture of hope, frustration, and desire for immediate gratification. "Our relationship could be purely physical." His tone was velvet, yet edged with steel. "I can give you anything you want in return."

Kuroko permitted herself a withering glower. "My respect for you is deteriorating very rapidly, Mr. Hanami-."

"Fuck respect, it's going to hell with the rest of me on a first class ticket anyway," he interrupted her vehemently. "I want you." He repeated. "Isn't this the kind of honesty you hold in such high esteem?"

For an instant, Hanamiya's glance sharpened when Kuroko's gentle laugh rippled through the air. She had a wonderful low laugh, soft and clear; making his battle of personal restraint easier said than done. For a long moment, she looked back at him, studied his face deliberately, feature by feature.

"You have a perverted interpretation of honesty."

He parted his lips to voice his objection, but Kuroko didn't give him the chance to retort. "No," she took it back. "It might be more accurate to say that you are so good at telling falsehood, you've even managed to lie to yourself."

"What the hell are you on about?" Hanamiya demanded.

"You're in love with me."

Loaded with ridicule, her voice was like an echo from an empty tomb.

"Bullshit." He was hurtled back to earth when the reality of her words finally struck home.

"Then, I'll ask you again. What are you doing here?" Her voice was smooth but insistent, uncompromising yet oddly gentle. It sent a deep, sensual ripple of awareness through him.

A cold, congested expression settled on Hanamiya Makoto's mien; one of pained tolerance. Again, he had no answer to that simple question. He gritted his teeth, clenched his jaw tighter; furious at his own vulnerability to her. A raw and primitive grief overwhelmed him as he felt the nauseating sinking of despair overcome his person.

She was right.

He had fallen for her. Hanamiya Makoto had lost. To her. Kuroko Tetsuna – a woman who had absolutely no interest in him. His eyes darkened with pain, but his pride concealed his inner turmoil as he tried to force his confused emotions into order. He was unwilling to face her. Yet, he was unable to turn away. What had happened to the unflappable young man of yesterday?

Nevertheless, before long, his mind was working overtime again to mask his mental chaos.

"I could take you right here and now if I wanted to." A suffocating sensation tightened his throat as he was assaulted by his sick yearning. "I could have you now. You could never overpower me."

Kuroko shrugged in mock resignation. "Go ahead. If it would get me out of your system, if this is all that it will take for you to leave me alone, then I could endure a few minutes of discomfort."

"Is that all that I am to you?" He was assailed by a terrible sense of bitterness. "A mere discomfort?"

"Yes."

Kuroko Tetsuna was an honest character, one who didn't always know when directness was unwelcomed or unnecessary. She regarded life in such extremes of black or white that her forthrightness often came across as being overly blunt. Nevertheless, the defeat left Hanamiya immobile. In opportunity, he found a mindless solidity that helped camouflage the deep despair of heartache. Should he just have her? Have her, get her out of his system, walk away, and forget about her?

A glazed look of dejection began to spread over his face.

It was impossible.

His thoughts tasted like gall. However, he had reached the point where his feelings for her had to be resolved. The day of reckoning couldn't be postponed forever, and he could never just be with her once. Hanamiya knew he'd never be able to walk away if he had her. That was just how powerful she was. She had power over him. All because he had challenged the wrong opponent and let himself fall so in love with her. If he took her, it would only complete her power over him.

He would never be able to escape her.

At the thought, he removed himself from her. He sat very still, his eyes narrow as he heard Kuroko rise form the sofa with a grateful sigh.

Her hair had fallen out the loose bun. A wealth of rich, tousled blue hair hung in long graceful curves over her shoulders and tumbled carelessly down her back like strands of lustrous glass. Her beauty was exquisite, fragile… Yet she possessed a strength and dignity at odds with the slenderness of her body.

Hanamiya's head bowed and he remained in an attitude of frozen stillness.

Curse her. She was so damn beautiful. He hated how in love he was with her. It was the first time he had ever fallen in love. He could barely withstand the impact of the experience.

He stretch his long legs casually before him as she sat forward, scrupulously gathering her hair into a thick ponytail. Hanamiya watched her graceful movement and scoffed internally at how innocent she looked, deceptively delicate. However, she was a black widow, and even the most ignorant of people knew that those most at risk from the females of the species are male black widow spiders, hopeless suitors to femme fatales with a tendency to eat their mates. And, just like the arachnids and their macabre behaviour that gave them their name, he was sure that Kuroko Tetsuna was going to be the death of him.

He was a fool.

* * *

**Kuroko Tetsuna**

Kuroko pushed stray tendrils of hair away from her cheek. She sat and watched, silently anticipating Hanamiya Makoto's next move. He was a devious man. People like him lie, cheat, and manipulate to get what they want, and don't often care if their methods hurt others. Such behaviour was second nature to them, hence the penchant for it to bleed from professional or goal-oriented relationships into personal dealings. She had come across many a student whom, like him, had ethical lines that were much more flexible than what society deemed appropriate. It predisposed them to shifts in morality, creating a slippery slope down a dark road.

Dipping his head slightly, Hanamiya asked, "What would it take for you to fall in love with me?"

Tilting her head to one side, she offered a slanted look at him. "I really don't believe any relationship between you and I would be healthy."

He shook his head decisively. "I'm trying to compromise." She settled into the deep red cushions. Devious characters like him were great at getting things done. When traditional methods fail, they could always be depended upon to discover alternate techniques to achieve their goals. Still, Kuroko could tell; he hated the faint desperation in his own voice.

Kuroko became aware of another kind of excitement as Hanamiya's words sunk in. She reached out and pushed back a wayward strand of dark hair. Her face creased into a small smile.

"I'm not going to lie. After all that, your chances are looking pretty dismal. It's going to take a lot to win my heart."

Hanamiya's tight expression relaxed into a grin.

"I had expected as much."

* * *

**Now, don't get mad. I know it's no good, but getting to the point of fluff, babies, and wife!kuroko with this pairing requires a different story altogether, and I don't have the skill to write something that long. I apologise to those who took the time to suggest baby names only for this mess to happen. If nothing else, at least I gave it an ending right? (*nervous laughter*) **

**No?**

**Then, I shall return to retirement and reflect upon my mistakes.**

**P.S. Arbitrarily Split Boat simply means Irrational Crack Ship, because that is what this pairing is to me.**


	4. KagaKuro: Oneshot

**Uhm hi, it's been a while since I wrote anything. This is just a short little fluff piece. **

* * *

**KagaKuro: Oneshot**

* * *

Kagami Taiga let out a mighty yawn as he switched off the headlights and turned off the engine. Stretching his neck to release the tightness of a 2 hour drive, he looked to his left; Kagami Tetsuna was quietly sleeping with her head resting against the window, all but dead to the waking world. Their 3 year old son didn't fare any better; Kagami Taichi was also asleep in his booster seat. Taiga smiled at the little line of drool dripping from his son's mouth. He too also used to sleep like a log after a day at the beach.

Unfastening his seatbelt, he leant over to his wife of 4 years.

"Tetsuna." She stirred at the whisper of her name, frowning as she reluctantly opened her eyes before quickly squeezing them shut once more.

"Mmm…" Tetsuna brought up a hand to stifle a yawn before looking behind her to see their sleeping son, whispering, "What time is it?"

"A little over ten," Taiga gave Tetsuna's thigh a prompting pat. "Come on, you get the stuff, I'll take the little guy to his room.

Tetsuna gave her husband a perfunctory nod before getting out of the car, inwardly wishing that they hadn't chosen a beach so far away to spend their Saturday at. She grabbed their bags, the cooler, and a bucket containing several live crabs and headed into their suburban house, just managing to hear Taiga complain about their son's drool on his shoulder before she went out of earshot.

* * *

While Taiga brought Taichi upstairs, Kuroko was in the kitchen, peering into the bucket, staring at the six palm-sized crabs she and Taichi had caught that day creeping at the bottom.

"Tetsuna…" She heard Taiga call. "Tetsuna, where are you?"

"I'm right here."

"Gaah!" His right hand flew to his chest, fingers out in a fan against the breastbone. "Tetsuna," Taiga began upon regaining his composure. "You're like a ninja".

Tetsuna gave her husband a flat look through half-lidded eyes. "Would you like me to wear a bell?"

"You would do that for me?" He said, astonished.

Tetsuna responded with a moment of silence, before turning away to face the sink again.

"Aw no, don't get mad at me now," Taiga pleaded lazily as he hugged Tetsuna from behind, wrapping his muscled arms around his wife's petite waist. "Come on, let's go to bed, I'm so tired I could pass out."

"I'm leaving you on the floor if you do."

Taiga smiled, "You would."

"What should we do with the crabs?"

"Just leave them in the sink and come to bed," Taiga tugged at Tetsuna's waist, urging her.

"What if they crawl out?"

"Stop worrying so much," Taiga protested with a sigh as he took the bucket and unceremoniously dumped its contents into the kitchen sink before dragging Tetsuna to bed with him.

* * *

"'Stop worrying so much' he says…" Kagami Tetsuna muttered under her breath as she stood in front of the kitchen sink that morning.

Five crabs in the sink.

There was a loose crab in the house…

* * *

A few minutes later, Taiga came down the stairs to find Tetsuna on all fours with the lower half of her body sticking out from under the dining table.

"Hey, not that I don't appreciate the view, but are you looking for something down there?"

"Crab."

"What?!" He walked over and squat down next to Tetsuna.

"Crab," Tetsuna repeated with a sigh of irritation. "We're one crab short."

"It climbed out of the sink?!" Taiga let out a bark of laughter. "No way hahaha…"

"What's so funny daddy?!" Taichi joined the conversation, running down the stairs toward his parents.

"It's nothing Taichi, your daddy's just being a bakagami," Tetsuna straightened and gave her son a gentle pat on the back of his head. "Listen, Taichi. You know the little crabs we caught yesterday at the beach? If you see one somewhere in the house, come tell mummy and daddy okay?"

"Huh? Why?" The pyjama-cladded 3-year-old asked.

"Your mummy lost one of them," Taiga grinned.

"It was your 'bright' idea to leave-,"

"HERE CRABBY CRABBYYYY!" Taichi started shouting repeatedly while running all over the living room.

"Say honey," Taiga began. "Crabs don't have ears right?"

"Hmm, I don't know," She admitted. "Why don't you pull up a Wikipedia page on crabs?"

* * *

Aomine Daiki, Aomine Satsuki, and their two children – 4-year-old Tomoyo and 9-month-old Daisuke – stood in front of the Kagami residence at half-past-nine that morning with pet Nigou in tow.

"Woof!" Nigou barked the moment Tetsuna opened the gates.

"Good morning," Tetsuna greeted with a smile.

"Hi!" It was the pink-haired Satsuki who spoke first. "Sorry we came early. Tomoyo was really excited to play with Taichi."

"It's all right," Tetsuna patted the little girl's head. "Please, come on in."

"Hey." Daiki greeted once the rest of his family entered the house. "I'll just leave these in the kitchen yeah?" He said, motioning to the bags of groceries he was carrying.

"Yes, please. Thank you."

"Where are the redheads?" he drawled.

"Looking for a missing crab."

"Huh?"

"NIGOU-CHAN!" Taichi shouted as he came running towards the Alaskan malamute.

"Woof! Woof!"

"Gak!" The six-foot plus fire-fighter stopped dead as soon as he walked into the living room. "Nigou…"

"Nigou-chan is so cute mummy!" Taichi said as he hugged the friendly canine.

"Taichi, you need to greet uncle and auntie first." Tetsuna's words fell on deaf ears.

"Can we keep him mummy?"

"Nigou-chan is our doggy!" Tomoyo objected wilfully.

"Nigou-chan used to be our doggy first! Right mummy?!" Taichi asked, eliciting a few light-hearted chuckles from the adults.

"Yes he was Taichi, but we can't keep him here," Tetsuna said in a soothing voice.

"Why not?" The 3-year-old whined.

"Ask your daddy."

* * *

While Tomoyo and Taichi played throughout the house with Nigou like the hyper little kids that they were, Tetsuna and Satsuki fawned over baby Daisuke in the living room and their husbands got started on lunch in the kitchen.

"He's gotten so big." Tetsuna was kneeling in front of the 9-month-old baby boy, holding both his hands, and walking him towards her.

"Yeah," Satsuki agreed. "We've been told that he's big for his age. It's a little troubling," She emitted a tight laugh. "I keep thinking he'll be bigger than me before he's even finished elementary school."

"I know the feeling. It'll probably be the same with Taichi," Tetsuna empathised. Her energetic red-headed son would've been a carbon copy of his tall father if not for his lack of fear of dogs. "I kind of miss the times when he was this age," Tetsuna continued as she lifted the cooing baby off the play mat and bounced him in her arms.

"You could always have another one," Satsuki suggested with a cheerful smile.

"…" Tetsuna paused for a moment. "Hmm…"

"Ehh?" An impish smile registered on the pinkette's face. "That response is pretty ambiguous."

"What are you two so hush-hush about?" The tanned police-officer inquired casually as he exited the kitchen and handed his wife a bottle half-filled with baby formula.

"Nothing," Satsuki said. "Just some girl-talk."

He raised an eyebrow. "You weren't talking about that mummy-porn you've been reading, were you?"

"Mummy-porn?" / "Dai-chan!" Their shock was simultaneous.

"50 Shades of Grey is not porn!" Satsuki defended with her palms over Daisuke's little ears.

"Trust me Satsuki. It qualifies." Daiki laughed. "Shit movie though." He said as he disappeared into the kitchen once more.

"I rented the censored version," Satsuki whispered to Tetsuna. "He doesn't know."

"Okay," Tetsuna nodded, her lacklustre reaction having more of an impact on Satsuki than she intended.

"Tetsu-kun!" Satsuki said, flustered upon realising what her husband had just carelessly disclosed. "It's not porn." Her hands still firmly protecting her dear baby's little ears.

"Okay." The bluenette nodded again.

"What's not porn?" The masculine voice coated in an aromatic shroud of home-cooking drew their gazes.

Satsuki let out an exaggerated sigh as Taiga, donned in what was clearly Tetsuna's baby-blue apron, walked toward the dining table, expertly balancing four freshly-cooked dishes in his arms.

"Nothing," Tetsuna began, tilting her head as she continued. "Have you finished cooking already?"

"Nah," He shook his head. "Aomine's still working on the karaage, but it won't take much longer." He leant forward against the back of the sofa, shrinking his considerable height. "He sleeping through the night yet?" Taiga asked.

"Haha… I wish." Satsuki patted Daisuke's head while the baby boy drank from his bottle. "You're a naughty little baby aren't you? You're always bullying okaa-chan and otou-chan!" In response, the infant shook his bottle up and down and gave his mother a string of laughter that sounded more like coughing. In other words, heaven with a little bit of spit thrown in.

Taiga looked at his wife's face, wearing a soft smile that reached her eyes as she said, "He's so cute."

"Tetsuna," Taiga began, placing his hand across the side of her face to caress her left cheek, his ring finger almost touching her lips. "We can have another baby."

If Tetsuna was taken aback by her husband's off-the-cuff suggestion, she sure didn't show it. Her pink-haired friend, however, had her mouth agape, wondering if Taiga had possibly overheard their conversation from before, and, more importantly, how Tetsuna would respond to that statement.

Yet, before the scene had a chance to play itself out, it was interrupted by the cacophony of a 3 year old boy's shrill call for his parents, the thudding footsteps of two young children, and a dog's bark, the last of which made Taiga take three steps backward.

"WE FOUND CRABBY!" Taichi broadcasted to the world.

"It's in the bathroom!" Tomoyo chirped.

"Woof! Woof!"

"The bathroom?" Satsuki repeated.

"That's almost 3 rooms away from the kitchen," remarked Tetsuna.

"What's going on?" Daiki asked as he exited the kitchen with a plate full of crispy fried chicken.

"Crabby was on an adventure!" Taichi declared.

"Huh?"

"Come! Come! Hurryyy!" The kids echoed each other, dragging their parents by their hands to the bathroom where they found the curious little crab nestled in Taiga's trousers, which had fallen off the rail.

"Of all the places…" Tetsuna trailed off.

"Kinda makes sense if you think about it," Taiga laughed. "It was looking for water."

Tetsuna gave her husband a sideways glance, "It was in the sink… I doubt that would lose to your pants in a water supply contest."

"Lucky you Taiga," Daiki gave the redhead a slap on the shoulder, "You could've kissed your chances of having another kid goodbye. Just imagine the damage that little guy could do to your-"

"DAI-CHAN!"

* * *

**Um.. Sorry that was a bit shit. I'm very out of practice. Thanks for reading anyway.**

**Bye bye.**


End file.
